Yet I have been so touched by her death. Each time I am reminded it brings a deep sadness to my heart and nearly tears to my eyes. It is so terrible that she believed that this world would be better off without her, no one would care that she was gone, that her daughters would be better off without a mother, that she thought she was so worthless that she actually went through with it. Or who knows the lies that she told herself and believed.
But I GET IT. I get those thoughts. Since the birth of my third son I feel like I have been living in a black hole of despair. I mean it. It has sucked big time. When I visited my friends in Tromsø and I later heard that they were "worried" about me I told that they had reason to be. I really GET why people cut or become bulimic, why Britney Spears shaved her head and why people don´t ask for help (OH WAIT...THEY USUALLY DO BUT PEOPLE DON´T LISTEN, THEY JUST GIVE THEIR OWN ADVICE!...ok, the capital letters makes it sound like I´m really angry at someone but this is a reminder to myself as well as others that we could all be better at listening and affirming.)
So while I GET IT, I haven´t cut, thrown up or shaved my head or committed suicide, like Elin. It saddens me that while we were both mothers, both with struggles, that I am the only one still living.
Edited: Sorry if I alarmed anyone. With the return of the sun, good friends and God´s grace, I now see past the despair. Although like many of us, I still have my days! This post was really about how my experiences have allowed to be more empathetic.