Ben's dad was one of 10 siblings. They are spread all over Norway and Germany but they will all be arriving for the funeral which is on Tuesday. Many of them are here already and it is great that the house is full of them and others filing in and out. There are lots of stories shared and lots of laughter. On the table is a digital frame constantly displaying images of Roy. I'm so glad that they are celebrating him in this way and not "hiding" everything that reminds them of him.
As for me, I haven't cried a lot. I've never lost anyone really close to me. I cried when Ben told me the news and then I cried when he and Rio left for Båtsfjord. Ben is so curious as to why I haven't cried. Fortunately he doesn't believe that I didn't love his dad. He's just wondering if it my faith or a strength? I'm asking myself the same question.
I guess one reason I haven't cried so much is that I don't feel like it is my place. I want to give my support to those who need it- Ben, his sis and his mom. He was my father-in-law and we lived in different countries most of the time. Again, I just don't feel like it is my place. I mean I don't want any of them comforting me in a time that they really need the comfort. But also, and this is very strange as Ben made clear to me, I just don't fear death. Of course losing someone who you shared life with is terrible but he was a faithful Jehovah's Witness and therefore everyone believes that he is in a good place so I just feel like it is a time to celebrate him, be thankful for the moments that we did share with him and to serve as a reminder that life is short and we better live it to the fullest- for God, for our family or for whatever your deepest cause is. Of course there is an emptiness but in the end I have chosen to believe that God is good and deserves our praise even in pain and emptiness. Arg, am I heartless? Am I overconfident, stupid? Am I not dealing with some issues I have?
It is a very strange time.